Let's just say, you do not need makeup to feel/look beautiful - you are perfect just the way you are. And yes, I know this blog runs on the excitement of ripping off plastics and packaging to share my reviews with you of that new make up palette or testing out beauty creams, serums, hair products, and the like, HOW-EV-ER, this is all just for fun and because I love it - not because I need it to feel a certain way.
Yes, for the longest time, I hid behind my long hair, layers of cosmetics, in fear of letting my true self shine through. After almost 7 years in a strong relationship with my current boyfriend (saying 'current' sounds like I will be recycling him soon... :( totally not the case! But, I don't know how to come back from this now that I have stuck my foot in my mouth, but anyway)..where was I? Oh right ... after 7 years with my boyfriend (WAIT. can we take a second here... I am going to go on a huge tangent, skip if you'd like but this is important...I suggest you read this)
My boyfriend - damnit. he is pretty perfect. Not because he is my boyfriend, but because I have never met another human like him before. He is kind, strong, determined, so compassionate, intelligent, and selfless. He is the last person on earth that would make you feel 'less than', inadequate, ugly, or anything less than perfect or important. And it isn't only towards me. He emits the most warming, caring, bright, funny, and empathetic, compassionate and thoughtful aura for anyone and anything. Okay, back to scheduled programming.
….I JUST NOW TOLD HIM (literally like a few days ago) that for the first few months, I never took my makeup off before going to sleep (if we were together) in fear of him seeing my skin. Sad truth.
Ugh, okay, so I guess I need to do a little back story before ACTUALLY diving into what I actually wanted to talk about to begin with.
Growing up, I was always heavy, suffered from acne (got heavier and acne got worse as I got older, yay! Thanks life, hehe) and was in the middle of being "cool" and "nerdy" (I hate to put labels but I am just trying to give you a clear picture). I didn't quite fit in, but I had a lot of friends. I was always bullied though, definitely through kindergarten, elementary school, up to middle school, and probably in high school (kids at that time were good at hiding it from me, but I always knew...).
Because of this, I hid behind my hair, and closer to college, I started using more and more makeup. At that point, my acne was getting worse, and I was gaining more weight.
In my late teens and early 20s, my acne was getting worse and makeup was a comfort for me - even though it was caked on and probably was worse looking than what my naked skin actually looked like. Okay, wrapping it up: cystic acne + weight gains + lots of makeup = self esteem plummeting.
Fast forward to today: still heavy (but working on being a healthier version of myself - my version of healthy may be different than yours, but I am working on self love and a better self image) and more confident, but with less acne. Still somehow, I am still hiding behind something; not too much makeup, but it does help with my self esteem.
Which brings me to...
Forcing myself to go bare faced for a week
Okay guys - this was a tough one (as I am sitting here … oh I don't know, a month later, still makeup-less? lolllll). It really was hard - and still is. I struggle with my outward appearance, TWENTY-FOUR-SEVEN. But OH WELL. FUHCK IT. (tried to be cool there, don't think it worked, whatevz). Every day seems to be a struggle, and even more so now that I am breaking out with itchy, red, dry af patches on my chin, um wtf????? Not cool.
But really, ever since I was younger, I struggled. With everything. Growing up, I learned how to hide the struggle, but nevertheless, still the battle continued and I forged onward. Like many, my skin was at the forefront - not because it was one of the first things people saw, but because of the stinging reminder that it was there. Even though I didn't have to look at my skin like I did the rest of my body, but the literal physical pain I felt and any time I touched my face (which was often, idk why) reminded me it was different, ugly, and not 'perfect'.
Okay, I'll wrap this up
Growing up, I realized it is okay to be different and it's okay to be imperfect because that makes you perfectly YOU. It is a struggle to remind myself of this on the daily, but when I do remember that IT'S OKAY … I feel a shit ton better. There are so many things in life to be worried about … skin should be pretty low on my list. ;)
don't stop being perfectly imperfect you.