Why I Skipped New York Fashion Week & How I am Dealing with the Regret

Okay, wow. This one was a bit difficult, so please bare with me. <3

It was always a dream of mine to work in the fashion industry. I lived that dream when I interned for a fashion company a few years back in the wonderful land of NYC. I was in the garment district *drools*. I took the bus, walked a few blocks, I felt so accomplished and powerful, even though I was spending more money to work there than I was making. It was difficult, but man I loved it.

Unfortunately, it was proving to be extremely difficult to actually land a full time job in this already competitive and ever evolving industry, so instead of getting discouraged, I started this blog to fuel my passion for fashion, being creative, writing, and helping others. 

Attending New York Fashion Week is a dream I think many dream, but most will never get to fulfill, me being one of them. Until I received an email one evening; I will never forget it. I was sitting on the sofa with my mom watching T.V. and I was like "An email at 10:30 at night ... it's spam." But I opened it anyway, and to my surprise and disbelief actually, it was an invite to my very first fashion show. MY VERY FIRST ONE. I cried. Then I jumped for joy and called my boyfriend. He was just as excited as I was. 

Then I checked the dates -- shows during the week and on the weekend. UGH!!! Long story short, I couldn't take off of work and had to miss it. Then the following year rolls around. 

MY SECOND INVITE TO NEW YORK FASHION WEEK.

I am literally pinching myself. And!!!! I started a new job that allowed me to have the weekends off!!! YES!!!! Excited is an understatement. I was through the roof ecstatic. There's no way I am missing this again. 

But, I didn't go anyway. 

I had the time to go, I knew more people than I did my first invite so finding a buddy to tag along wasn't an issue and my blog is growing and doesn't appear as pathetic as it did (lol). Literally, I have no excuse. But that voice I had ignored for so many years came knocking at my door again. It was louder than my truths and it ended up knocking me down again. Everyone has heard that 'voice' before: you're not good enough, you're too tall, you're too short, you're not pretty enough, you're not strong enough, you're too big, too fat, too ugly, etc, etc, etc. 

I know the type of industry this is and I know that living in a society that is drowning in images of people living what appears to be a more perfect life than yours will always make you feel less than... if you let it. And unfortunately, it got to me and I let it. 

"How could I go to Fashion Week looking the way I do?"

"Nothing looks good on me" 

"I feel gross" 

"I'm too fat"

But then I realized, UM HELLO. You are fierce, you are perfect no matter what, you have everything you could need, and tons of people love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. (Unfortunately, I snapped out of this slump a little too late)

I was soo annoyed at myself for skipping NYFW due to a little fear and self doubt. I definitely regret not going, but I vow to not miss another opportunity like this ever again, no matter the reason. I am making a public promise to myself and to everyone reading this: I will not let my insecurities, fear, self doubt, or anything negative, PREVENT ME FROM GROWING, LIVING MY LIFE, CRUSHING GOALS, OR FULFILLING A DREAM. 

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I will be louder than that voice. I am stronger than that voice. 

Make that promise with me -- whatever it is that is holding you back, let it go. Promise yourself that you too will go after everything you want and not let that voice hold you back. 

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” —Henry Ford

xx